


Lessons of Love

by IRegretNothingAndEverything



Series: Tommy is of the stars, Benrey of the void, Bubby of the tube, and Coomer of the enhanced. Gordon? Gordon's along for the ride. [5]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining, bubby is just in his tube and coomer is sitting outside the tube, but it's okay benrey isn't as bad, gordon is a lil traumatized here, he dealt with his shit, pining gays, the gay grandpas are here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25839556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IRegretNothingAndEverything/pseuds/IRegretNothingAndEverything
Summary: Gordon tries to learn how to control the sweet voice, while also hiding his feelings from Benrey. Both of them are very bad at this.
Relationships: Pre Gordon Freeman/Benrey
Series: Tommy is of the stars, Benrey of the void, Bubby of the tube, and Coomer of the enhanced. Gordon? Gordon's along for the ride. [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871698
Comments: 8
Kudos: 207





	Lessons of Love

**Author's Note:**

> These two need to get their shit together honestly. It's a lot of pining while healing from trauma.

It was only after he woke up he realized why everyone kept staring at him with that look in their eyes. 

Gordon woke up dizzy, though blood loss and a head wound would do that to someone. He didn’t want to complain, especially when he looked up and caught a glimpse of Bubby floating in his tube. It was... well, it was better than it had been the night before, but only marginally. He didn’t think it was fair of him to complain about a concussion when Bubby looked like that. 

Still, his head hurt, and his arm felt weirdly numb. He glanced to either side, seeing Benrey curled up against one side and Tommy on the other. He smiled softly at the two of them and sighed softly-

What the fuck. 

Gordon stared upwards at the sweet voice floating around him, eyes wide. He... he couldn’t use that. He didn’t know how to... and yet more poured from between his teeth, floating around in shades that he began to be able to decipher by his own panic. 

“What... in the world...” He murmured, shifting his arm carefully as not to disturb Benrey, grabbing at the sweet voice bouncing through the air. He... He could use sweet voice? When had that happened? 

It seemed, despite his efforts, Benrey was waking up next to him lifting his head to look up at Gordon. He glanced down himself, sweet voice slipping out of the corner of his mouth before he covered it with his hand, cheeks going red. Benrey grinned up at him. 

“You, uh, you got something? Something to tell me there buddy?” 

“Did you do this?” Gordon asked, muffled by his hand, and Benrey hummed, shrugging. 

“I don’t think so. I mean, maybe it has to do with consuming the sweet voice, but uh, I didn’t do anything on purpose.” Gordon nodded slowly, looking up at the colors floating about, watching them slowly disappear until the color was gone, and the light only came from Bubby’s tube. 

“Kinda pretty.” Gordon mumbled, and Benrey nodded a bit, singing a few notes up at him. Gordon smiled, then tried to control it himself, getting a note out, though the color was all over the place. Benrey snorted softly. 

“Nice dude.” 

“Oh pardon me for not knowing how to do the sweet voice after one day, Benrey.” Gordon shot a glare at him, though it was ruined by him holding back a smile. Benrey stared back, before snorting again, ducking his head down to laugh. 

“Go back to sleep, asshole.” Benrey muttered, closing his eyes. 

A good thing, Gordon realized, staring up and the pink and blue floating around his head. 

* * *

“So... How exactly do I do this?” Gordon glanced around, sweet voice slipping out of the corners of his mouth as he spoke. Benrey watched it quietly, shrugging. 

“Uh, you just... you gotta control it.” 

“Oh, I had no idea, I thought I could just go into public leaking colorful floating bubbles all over the place.” He deadpanned, and then grinned when Benrey shook his head, laughing. 

“Like, bro you have to, uh, suppress it. It’ll feel all wrong at first, and it wont’ be easy, but you gotta... you gotta have control over it. That why you won’t be showing your emotions all the time.” Benrey grinned, then covered his mouth as some of his own sweet voice leaked out. 

“Like that?” 

“Shut up, feetman.” 

They glared at each other for a moment, before Gordon sighed softly, closing his eyes. “So I just... suppress it. Push it down before it can come up.” Gordon muttered, nodding. “I can do that, Gordon can do that.” 

Benrey hummed softly. “Yeah, it might, uh, it might get a bit out of wack when shit like... everything that went down happens, but for the most part... once you’ve got control, you’ve got it.” 

Gordon nodded slightly, eyes still closed. He paused, focusing on the idea of taking all those sweet voice bubbles and pushing them down, hiding them away in his chest until it was useful to him. After a moment, he opened his eyes, opening his mouth to say something, only to cover it with a hand as green tumbled out of his mouth. 

“Epic fail bro.” 

“Shut up, you’re not doing any better.” 

* * *

So, maybe the whole fight was a lot more traumatic than he thought. He tried to go to sleep in Tommy’s guest room, but it was so silent. He couldn’t hear Coomer’s snoring, or Tommy’s mumbles, and it was just so... 

Nothing 

He almost had a panic attack before he decided it wasn’t worth it, moving into the tube room-as Benrey had dubbed it, getting Coomer to agree when he was half delirious from exhaustion-to settle in there. Coomer was sleeping against the tube, and Gordon relaxed when he heard him snoring softly. It was so much easier to sleep with something like that, and for some reason, he settled back against the wall, looking up at Bubby floating peacefully. He had healed a bit more, though he was still missing patches of skin, which was horrible to look at. 

It was worse when he knew that, in the end, Bubby had done nothing to deserve it, nothing but protect someone he loved. 

Gordon sighed softly, scrubbing at his eyes with his hand, surrounding himself with silt colored bubbles, guilt building up inside of himself slowly, tears coming uninvited, sunset joining the colors floating around him as he got more and more upset. 

“Hey...” He jumped, glancing to the side, seeing Benrey just... there. Gordon wiped at his eyes, waving at the bubbles still floating around him, sniffling softly. 

“Uh... hey.” 

Benrey frowned slightly, before shifting, trying to find his words. Gordon watched him quietly, not wanting to interrupt the thought just in case Benrey lost it. After a moment, Benrey shifted slightly, singing a few notes. 

He wasn’t quite sure how he began to understand it, but the sweet voice hovered, and Gordon found himself tearing up again. 

_It’s not your fault._

He felt like it was. He was supposed to be the leader after all, how could he do that if he couldn’t protect someone- 

“Hey.” Just as he started to spiral again, Benrey shifted, bonking the side of his head to Gordon’s. It hurt, probably more than Benrey meant to, since his concussion was still a thing, but some how it comforted him, and Gordon sniffled, nodding a bit. 

“Sorry... Just... feels like it is, you know?” 

Benrey sighed softly, then nodded, before shifting, laying his legs out straight, patting his thigh. Gordon tilted his head, frowning, before Benrey brought one hand up to his hair. Gordon blinked, before going along with it, laying with his head in Benrey’s lap. 

It was comforting, having someone playing with his hair like this, and soon enough, Gordon drifted off to sleep, comforted by Benrey’s hands in his hair, and Coomer’s soft snoring. 

* * *

It did get easier to control as time passed. The color around the two of them slowly decreased, though neither would mention the pink and blue that would float around them from time to time. 

They both knew what it meant. 

They both knew that the other knew what it meant. 

They both pretended not to know. 

It was slowly driving the two others-three, if Bubby was actually awake, a rare enough occurrence at the moment-up the wall. Neither of them really cared, or at least they both pretended not to. 

It was confusing at this point, but Gordon stuck to it. He didn’t want to make Benrey uncomfortable with the idea of it, since they were still recovering from some pretty serious trauma, which does things to people. 

Still, they slowly got closer. Gordon found it hard to sleep without noise around, but it was so much easier when Benrey’s hand were in his hair, slowly petting and braiding and scratching. It relaxed him, calming the fear the would build up in his chest when he couldn’t hear the others. 

Tommy watched them with knowledge in his eyes, though he didn’t often come out of his room or the lab connected, in fear of them seeing him crying. Though, no one was really surprised by it. Gordon let him mourn, knowing that Tommy would come to them eventually. He was the main one who preached communication, and Gordon trusted Tommy enough to know when he needed help. 

Plus, Tommy had Sunkist. 

Gordon just had Benrey. Coomer was focused on Bubby healing, and Gordon couldn’t blame him, but he didn’t want to burden anyone with his issues. Benrey, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care as much. Benrey would just grin, color bleeding through his teeth, and Gordon felt so much safer. 

So he slept on Benrey’s lap half the time now? Was he not allowed to cuddle his friends? Tommy and Benrey did it all the time too. 

Okay maybe he needed to stop pining. 

* * *

Tommy had dropped a plate in the kitchen. That’s all it was. It hadn’t even broken, just made a loud noise, and Gordon was off. 

He didn’t know exactly where he hid, and by Benrey’s cursing, he didn’t know either. Still, he pushed himself as far back into his little hidden hole, clutching at his arm, waiting to feel the heat of the metal heat up, but it never came, there nothing, he was defenseless-

“Gordon.” His eyes snapped to Benrey, who stared at him, both hands up near his head. Gordon tilted his head slightly, panting softly, shaking. 

“You... you don’t really uh, call me that huh?” Fear bubbled up and out, bathing the little closet he had buried himself in in light, and Benrey smiled softly, carefully singing out a few notes back. 

_You’re safe._

_I’m here_

_Nothing will hurt you._

With each line, Gordon began to calm down, ignoring the tears streaking down his face, shivering like he was cold. Benrey shifted, slowly moving his hands out, opening his arms for a hug, and Gordon pulled himself out of the little closet to latch onto him. 

Tommy apologized far more than was necessary, since it had been an accident, and Gordon... hadn’t really shown any signs of that being a trigger for him. 

That closet ended up becoming his go to hiding spot. 

* * *

“You ever going to tell him?” Tommy asked at some point, when Benrey was sitting in with Bubby while Coomer took a shower. 

Gordon sighed softly, glancing towards the door of the tube room. “Maybe. I just... I worry about it.” 

“I know, Mr. Freeman. You worry about everything there is to worry about.” Tommy smiled at him, and Gordon shot him a look, one eyebrow raised. “Pretty sure you need help with that, but I don’t know how to help with it.” 

Gordon laughed softly, nodding. “Yeah, you are... unfortunately not the first person to say that to me. I have said that to myself.” 

Tommy stared at him. Gordon stared back, before breaking and laughing softly. 

“I’m fine. I just worry about him” 

“Gordon, you do need to worry about yourself more.” Tommy patted his back lightly, and Gordon closed his eyes. 

Maybe he did. 

Still... it would be alright in the end. They would be okay. 

Nothing was stopping them from being okay anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> And then there was one. 
> 
> Benrey soon!


End file.
